Mister Donut!

The Korean national dress is called "Hanbok."  It's a beautiful garment made up of two sections and a shirt that covers the arms and ties on the side.  

Korean women wearing colorful "Hanbok"

Korean babies receive a special "baby Hanbok" that the wearer then keeps until he or she reaches adulthood. Apparently some teenage students even carry their baby Hanbok as a good-luck charm.  One of my coworkers told me that some high school students carry their baby Hanbok in their bag during the major university entrance exam as a talisman of sorts for success!

This is a modern Korean baby t-shirt (with a matching blanket) that has ties on the sides in the style of Hanbok. My coworkers gave it to Finley, and since he's getting so fat, the theme (donuts) is completely appropriate!

Here you can see the little side ties.

Unsettling from Seoul

It's officially official:  Victoria and I, after three years of "Settling in Seoul," will be leaving Korea and moving back to the States.

About 20 minutes ago, I submitted my official letter of acceptance for a position as an English instructor at the Michigan State University English Language Center, so Finley, Victoria, and I are Michigan bound!

Thus, all future baby clothes for Finley must be in green.

And hopefully none of his future playdate buddies will ever find out about the present his Ohioan relatives sent him:

Finley's Girlfriends

That's right, girlfriends.  Plural.  

Finley, at four weeks of age, is already using his good looks to pick up older women.

What a handsome guy!

Unfortunately, the two-timing little twerp is having a hard time making up his mind about which of these two cougars he wants to pursue.  It's a tough decision:

Lucky Lady #1:  Melinda

     Pros:  

        has the cutest nose ever

        has EU citizenship

        is fluent in both English and German baby babble

     Cons:  

        doesn't like the Moby 

        is leaving the country in 10 days   (Can you say "fling"?)

Gazing into each other's eyes

Gotta love a girl who enjoys
attending sporting events! 

Lucky Lady #2:  Edith

     Pros:  

        has huge, beautiful eyes

        still likes being swaddled (kinky!)

        has similar taste in bouncy chairs

     Cons:   

        lives with her parents

        isn't cool with Finn wearing socks as mittens 

I dunno, Edi.  He doesn't look like he's that into you!

Dude!  Finn, you're totally in with Edith's parents!

Finley's First "Steps" on America Soil

No, we haven't returned to the States...yet.  We simply took Finley to the US Embassy, which is technically considered American soil.  The purpose for our trip was to apply for Finley's passport, Social Security Number, and official birth registration, just in case the "birthers" ever question his presidential candidacy.  (And, yes, he can become president if he wants: see Title 8 of the US Code which clarifies the meaning of "natural born citizen").  Anyway, we've got to get Finley's passport in time for us to head back to the States at the end of June.

Finn behaved great, sleeping through most of the trip.
He wouldn't even wake up long enough to raise his right hand and swear that the information on his application was true, so we had to do it on his behalf.  We weren't allowed to take our cameras in, naturally, so we didn't get many pictures, just this shot of me cheesing it up at the entrance:

Nice job with the umbrella, Austin

Afterwards, we decided to do a little sightseeing with Finn.  Unfortunately, the weather wasn't so cooperative.

Statue of King Sejong

In front of Gyeongbokgung

We ended up in Insadong at our favorite Korean restaurant. Yum!

Yummy banchan!

Not sure who's cuter here

Getting Finley working on  his chopstick skills early

Looks like someone else wants some gochujang!

Unfortunately, the gochujang (hot pepper paste) that Victoria put on her bibimbap came back to haunt us.  Finley spent a few hours screaming that evening, we assume from the spicy food he got via Victoria.  Lesson learned!

On the way home, Finley also got his first ride on the Seoul subway.

Still sleeping... whew!

Finley's birth story

In the last four weeks I've found myself going back to moments of my labor and feeling such a mix of emotion: grateful, frustrated, euphoric, weak.  Mostly I feel pretty happy about everything, especially when I think about the moment I met my awesome baby.

Sometimes things don't go according to plan, and that's just life. Finley's birth ended in a C-section, which was definitely not part of my plan, but it's an outcome that I'm happy with nevertheless.

My labor began at midnight on Friday night, April 22, 2011. My contractions were 4 to 10 minutes apart, but I was still able to get a little sleep in the wee hours of the morning. The next day was much the same, so I tried to relax, have lunch, go for a short walk with my mom to a park nearby, and talk to my baby. The contractions were more intense when I was walking, but less when I was laughing and distracted!

Finally, that night at about 2 a.m., my contractions got more regular (every 4 min. for more than an hour) and I took a cab to my midwife’s birthing center in Ansan, South Korea.  It was an unforgettable ride. I breathed slowly and remained completely calm through the swerving, screeching-to-a-halt, crazy driving that characterizes cab rides in Korea.

My midwife told me that I was in active labor (5 cm dilated and 80% effaced).  The next part of my labor – the more intense part – progressed through the night.  I used a combination of deep breathing and self-hypnosis I learned in a “Hynobirthing” class I took earlier in the year.

Sounds super cheesy, huh? When I first heard the word "hypnobirth" I pictured a shrink dangling a watch saying, "You're getting very sleepy...," but honestly, some of the techniques really worked for me.

Laboring

I visualized myself in forests, on the beach, and riding waves as I had contractions, and the entire night passed as though it were just one hour.  I was in my own world.  I got mega-doses of adrenaline after each contraction that shook my entire body.  I remember thinking it was pretty cool.  I was able to laugh and joke through the end stage of labor ("transition") during the minutes between contractions. Labor reminded me of a really, really intense workout. You know the highs you get from working out?  Multiply that by 20 and that's what it felt like for me. I dug it.   

At 8 a.m. the next morning, April 24, Easter, I was “complete” (10 cm, 100 percent effaced, and the baby was at the +1 station).  I was so ready to have my baby!  But instead of having the urge to push, which normally characterizes this stage of labor, my contractions stalled.  They slowed to 10 to 15 minutes apart and became less intense. It was as though someone had turned off a switch.

For 5 hours I tried to get things moving again – resting for an hour, dancing around the room, changing positions many times – but nothing changed. Maybe it was because I had already been in labor for more than 24 hours, maybe it was my baby's position, but I'll never really know why this happened.

So close but no cigar...

Frank breech presentation

If your labor stalls at this stage, you’re usually given oxytocic drugs (chemicals that increase contractions, such as Pitocin) and a time limit.  But Rosa, my midwife, didn't want to do that because my baby was in the “frank” breech presentation.  Rosa has a lot of experience delivering breech babies naturally and does not use oxytocic drugs for breech babies because of the distress it can cause to the baby.

(Natural breech delivery these days is very uncommon. In America, a study called the Term Breech Trial came out in the early 2000’s that found that C-section is a safer option for breech. This study is the basis for why most hospitals in the U.S. will not allow women to deliver naturally if their baby is breech.      
   However, this study has been highly criticized. The OBGYN society in Canada has reversed its position and is encouraging OBs to learn the skills of breech delivery so they can offer them to women. Many other countries such as France and Sweden routinely do natural breech deliveries and the stats are comparable to the safety of C-section births. 
   After a lot of research and consultation with several doctors, I made the decision to try to birth a breech baby naturally with an experienced midwife. To read more about breech, look here, here, and here.) 

Rosa calmly explained the situation to me and left it to me and Austin to make the decision, for which I am forever grateful.  Though it wasn’t really a yes or no decision at that point, her allowing us to state our decision gave me a sense of ownership over the decision to have surgery.

We already had the nearby hospital on call, so we got into Rosa’s car and drove there.  We were very calm at this point, the baby was fine, and I was feeling excited to see my baby and hopeful that the surgery would go well.  I was also very tired!  The hospital was quite small and I was the first foreigner to deliver there.  The doctors prepped me right away and I had the surgery in about 20 minutes from the moment we decided to transfer. 

Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that I cannot get an epidural.  This was definitely the worst part of the day for me.  The doctor tried to place it three times unsuccessfully.  I’m still not completely clear of the medical reasons for this, but what I understand is that the area in the vertebrae where the epidural block is usually placed is too hard on my spine due to an injury I sustained years ago.  So I had general anesthetic.  Maybe it was just my medication level, or maybe it was the general anesthetic, but for me the pain immediately following my C-section was much, much worse than the hours of natural labor.

Austin wasn't allowed in the operating room (typical for Korean hospitals), but he held Finley immediately afterward, and when I woke up -- a little less than an hour after surgery -- Austin was right there with me.  He told me we had a son, and showed me Finley.  The first thing I remember is seeing Finley’s dark hair and thinking that he was beautiful and perfect.

Seeing Finley for the first time

Rooming-in with the baby

I stayed in the Korean hospital for three days. It was like hospitals in the 1970s in the US, both in terms of some of the medical practices and attitudes about babies.  The nursing staff wanted to take Finley and keep him in the nursery the whole time and formula feed him. (I refused and kept him with me).  One nurse made me feel guilty for wanting to exclusively breastfeed him – she told me he would be too hungry.  There was absolutely no education or training for me from the staff at the hospital.

On the other hand, the nurses were very kind to me (and very curious!).  They gave me seaweed soup and rice – the traditional post-partum recovery diet in Korea – three times a day. They spoke slowly so I would understand (no one at the hospital spoke English). And get this: my bill for major surgery and a three-day stay was 700,000 won, about $650 USD. 

Miyeok-guk (seaweed soup) & Korean hospital food

Finley's arm band, written in Korean

Coming home was very emotional.  I felt so grateful and happy to be home but also emotional and frustrated with my post-op limitations. As of writing this, I'm finally feeling like things are finally starting to settle in, at four weeks post birth.

Overall, I feel incredibly happy with my son's birth, though I'm still reeling from the surprise of the whole event.

My doula, Lisa Fincaryk

I highly recommend Lisa Fincaryk's services as a doula.  Not only is she an amazing doula, but she teaches childbirth classes, is a certified lactation consultant, also speaks Korean fluently.  Her website, Birthing in Korea, is full of helpful information.

Finley with my midwife, Rosa

If you're interested in having a natural delivery in Korea, I also highly recommend Rosa (김옥진) and her birthing clinic, OK Birth, in Ansan (Korean, English).

Catching a Nap Together

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Ah, Nakseongdae Park... so beautiful!

Statue of General Kang Gam-chan (948-1031)

The Birth Announcement!

This is our "official" birth announcement that our doula, Lisa Fincaryk, created for us as part of the amazing package of services she provided.  For inspiration, Lisa drew from a painting and mobile that Victoria created to decorate Finley's crib area (which you can see on previous blogposts here and here.)  Thanks, Lisa!


Feel free to print one off for the fridge!   

For more about Lisa's services, see her website Birthing in Korea.

Week 3 of Parenthood

Parenthood is going well for Victoria and me, and Finley's doing great... most of the time.

Happily sleeping

He's had a little eye infection, and we've had more than a few run-ins with explosive poos (including an in-bath poo followed immediately by an in-towel poo the moment we'd gotten him cleaned up), but all of that is pretty much to be expected with a newborn.

Victoria is doing well.  The recovery from the C-section surgery is slow, but especially in the last few days, she's started to have less pain and more energy.   And she's looking great, if I might say so msyelf.

At two weeks after the birth

Finley is a ravenous eater, and has put on a ton of weight since birth.  We haven't had him weighed recently, but he's starting to fill out his lanky frame and is really rockin' the double chin!

Giving his Kansan cousins a little
competition in the "cheeks" category

At two and half weeks, he's already outgrown
(or never fit into) all of his newborn onsies!

Last Thursday evening, Victoria, Finley, and I hosted a little meet-n-greet for a few of my colleagues.  It was Finley's first real social event.  He slept through the whole thing but made enough sleepy gurgles and faces to keep the crowd oohing and ahhing.   

The major only challenge so far is that Finley is a grunter.  He grunts for hours on end in his sleep.  The World Wide Web, the so-called "internet" (perhaps you've heard of it), tells us this is nothing serious.  However, while little Finn can sleep through it, his concerned parents often cannot.   Anyone got any advice for dealing with grunting babies?

Happy Mother's Day!

To my amazing and beautiful wife, I wish you a very happy first Mother's Day.  I admire your patience and strength, and Finley and I are both very thankful to have you be a part of our lives.

Finley, two weeks old for Mother's Day

Still not sure how any child of mine ended up so chunky!

So, folks, who do you think he looks like?

Best Mother's Day gift: a nap

Just think, by the next Mother's Day, Finley will actually be calling Victoria mama!

The Day the Music Died

I recently had this humor article published in the SNU College English Program's newsletter.  It is one of my favorite pieces of writing as it combines so many of the things I love: dripping sarcasm, wordplay, English teaching, and rock and roll.  Hope you like it!

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The Day the Music Died

by Austin Kaufmann

The tragic deaths of rock and roll legends Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and “The Big Bopper” J.P. Richadson moved singer-songwriter Don McLean to write his famous song “American Pie.” And while that fateful plane crash on that shivery February day dealt a blow to the rock and roll world, it wasn’t a fatal one. No, the vibrant movement that was late 1950s rock and roll was a rolling stone just gaining momentum.

The day to which I refer, the day music died, occurred not in our history, but in a hypothetical, dystopian universe, if you will. In this alternate reality the music really did die – in fact, it was systematically slaughtered. What, you ask, could so completely destroy rock and roll? Certainly not the death of a few stars. (The early, tragic death of rock stars has become almost a staple of the industry.) No, it took something much more devastating, more subversive than that.

Imagine then, if you will, the death of rock and roll – the day English teachers took their Red Editor’s Pens of Truth to the lyrics of every rock and roll song. That, my friends, was the day that music died.

Take, for example, the songs of one of America’s preeminent songwriters, Bob Dylan. Once hailed by many, including Alan Ginsburg, to be the greatest American poet of the late Twentieth century, Bob Dylan and his songs were quick to fall under the pens of our grammarians.

With complete disregard to Dylan's use of assonance, "Lay, Lady, Lay" was laid waste, for lack of an object to “lay” across that big brass bed. Likewise, not a single verse of his song “Don’t Think Twice” remained untouched, not even the opening lines: "It ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe / It don’t matter anyhow." The English teachers certainly didn’t think twice and quickly eliminated Bob’s nonstandard conjugation, incorrect usage, and subject-verb disagreement, churning out instead this grammatically error-free rendition: "There is not any use in sitting and wondering why, babe./ It does not matter anyway."

Now, the nonstandard language in Dylan's first verse might have caused our English teachers a little discomfort, but it paled in comparison to the horrors of the second verse: "It ain't no use in turning on your light, babe/ That light I never knowed." Seismologists in three continents actually captured aftershocks from the violent shudders that ran up the English teachers’ well-postured spines as they came to that final word.

Another Dylan song gave the editorial staff fits. “It Ain’t Me, Babe” was so full of problems, they hardly knowed… ahem… knew… where to start: "But it ain't me, babe,/ No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,/ It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe." It was clear that starting a sentence with the coordinating conjunction "but" would not do, that the "ain’t" had to go, and that a single "no" would suffice. Some argued for "It is not I," citing that the correct answer to the question "Who is it?" is not "It is me," but rather "It is I." Another faction called for "It is not me," on grounds that the verb demanded the accusative "me." All parties agreed that ending a sentence "a preposition with" was preposterous, and when all was said and done, the newly edited version of Dylan’s classic read: "However, it is not I, Babe./ No, it is not I for whom you are looking."

Sadly, Bob Dylan was not the only musician to have his handiwork butchered. Bands of the so-called British Invasion found themselves under attack. The editors had only to look at the names of some of them to find fault. The Fab Four quickly had their spelling mistake corrected to The Beetles.  Likewise, Pete Townsend, Roger Daltrey, and company were informed that wh- question words don’t require articles, and even if they did, they would have to call themselves The Whom, depending on context. And although the Rolling Stones were commended for the grammatical correctness of their name, perhaps their biggest hit “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” was heavily inked up.

The editors did, however, have some good news for Mick Jagger. It seems that due to his logic-defying “a double negative makes a positive” grammar mistake, he actually has been able to get that sought after satisfaction all along.

He just never knowed it.

By day, Austin Kaufmann is a full-time lecturer in the College English Program at Seoul National University; by night, he performs with his acoustic rock band, The Odds Against.